Having this as my new place where I am actually able to express how I am feeling day to day, without needing to hold a pen, since I am still have trouble doing that if it is for an extended period of time, might be helping. I feel the need to constantly be writing something, so I have pretty much always had an entry going that I can flip back to if times are needed!

I have already done my main goal for the day, which was to follow up with a psychiatrist. I called him back and have an appointment scheduled for Monday morning at 9:15. Hooray for that. I am not terribly excited about it, as it is definitely going to be a pretty major financial hit for me, but I guess it is what someone like me has to do to try and get or stay healthy.

I am not really liking the fact that I keep saying "someone like me". I don't like to think of myself as completely different from the rest of the world's population. Granted, there is obviously different things about me, but then again, there are different things about everyone! I am not sure why I am taking the approach that I am completely screwed up, and therefore a failure in the eyes of the world. I DO feel like that about myself, but I am not sure that it is the appropriate way to feel. In fact, I am fairly certain that it is NOT the appropriate way to feel, but I can't help it.

The other thing that bugs me a whole lot is my need to ramble. I feel like all the time that I just have to keep talking, keep writing, keep running my mouth, etc. I think I just said two of the same things twice. In different ways, but twice none-the-less.

I am having trouble working today. I feel like I got something accomplished already as I managed to get the everywhere apportionment to flow to New Jersey, which was a positive step in the right direction, but now I am just feeling pretty well done for the day, which sucks. I really would like to get one thing off of my desk, as soon as I possibly can, so I can actually feel like I have accomplished something. I would really LOVE to get some things done today in order to really be able to move forward with my 10/15 projects.

I hate feeling like I can't get anything done. I have taken on all of these projects of someone from my team who left, and I am just sitting here, staring at them. It is horribly frustrating to me. I hate to be nonproductive. And I really like to get things done and feel like SOMETHING that I am doing is making a difference to me. I hate the fact that there is seemingly nothing that I can do to really hammer out these returns that I am working on. I love to be productive. I love to accomplish things. I love to feel good about what I have gotten done in any given day. I know that I have already accomplished my daily mini-goal, but now I would like to accomplish something at work. Right now I would feel good if I could just get my proper filing instructions to print, as then I would have several of the returns completed at least! That would be awesome!