Today's mini-goal:
Make it all the way home without crying.

Yep, sounds really ridiculous. But I feel like I have to do it that way because of the major breakdown I had (again) last night. It is apparently just what I do, in general. I breakdown. I sob, I cry, I scream, I hide, I break things, I cut my hair, I even consider cutting myself. That one I haven't done. I have zero desire to die, just desire to release. Releasing tension is releasing blood? That is not something that I am sure about, but sometimes in my head it seems logical.

Last night was the body-related freak out. I am still not fitting into my clothes properly or the way that I want to. It truly makes me miserable. I want to drop about 10 lbs to look and feel the way that I like. And so I tried on a sundress to wear to the wedding this weekend that I am going to, and it was kind of tough to zip up, and I looked fat in it. So of course, I started crying about that. I was also crying about the fact that I have nasty, ugly scars all over my legs because of a bad habit that I have had my entire life. And now, the flea problem with the cat is adding more and more little bites to me, which I am afraid of because it is things like that which got me all scarred up in the first place.

Well, I am very hopeful that it is a flea problem as I am not in the mood to deal with bedbugs, that is for certain! And they are my major fear.