I don't know why it is that I am finding life so hard lately. I miss a lot of things because of it. I have a productive weekend where I do pretty much everything that I want to do, and I still feel like I have done nothing. I am completely frustrated by that, honestly. Why can't I just get settled and be happy with myself, be happy with who I am?

What is wrong with being a girl who has issues with her brain? Okay, I know that sounds more negative than I should allow myself to be. I don't want to be that negative. I am not sure why I am that negative when I have set a rather specific goal NOT to be that. Grr. I tick myself off.

I talked to C last night. I think we ironed some things out. I still don't know what is going on with us, honestly, but hey, whatever, I guess, right? We are having fun, and that is what we are good at, and in a lot of ways, isn't that the most important thing?

But M... oh M, I really like him a lot. I have really kind of dropped the age thing. I can't care anymore. Its not important when you like someone. And I really like him. I do. I wish I knew if he was interested in me or if he is just flirtatious. I mean, I feel like I have gotten signals of him being interested, but with some of the things that a friend who knows him has said to me, I am just not sure. I feel like he must be, especially with all of the emails and such that have shot back and forth the last few days. I don't know though and I hate being unsure about things.

I am going to have to do something to figure it out, to see if I am wasting my time with him or not. I have big plans for the pirate party this weekend, so hopefully he is going to that. I think I might give him some crap about being the director for the current show, and that makes the party mandatory. So we'll see how all of that goes. I have high hopes for this party, as I think my costume will be pretty fantastic.

So, Emily's pirate costume? Cream colored corset with ruffles around the top (like a ruffly pirate blouse), black gauchos, stiletto boots, a red scarf as a belt, a red bandana on my head, a gold cuff on my wrist, and gold hoop earring. I am super pleased with it, and so now I hope that he will see me in it.